Neuro Linguistic Program Helps bring Change in Behavior

Its always Me, Me, Me, with our eyes closed. But if we open our eyes, there is a world beyond us and they all are seeking help.

There are people who are depressed, people who are under-privileged and then there are those who have limited ability to think. We, with a stable mind, can help them by understanding their behavior and helping them overcome the obstacles.

Mentally challenged person has multiple disabilities too. To help them, first we have to understand what is the behavior we would like to change and what is the desired behavior we want the child to follow. To get the best results it is important to join the frame mind of the child and test the waters to see what their limits are.

You can find useful information in Robert and Denis Sedlak's book "Teaching the educable Mentally Retarded"

Every child is always in the process of observing his/her surroundings and taking in the sensory information. How this information is processed determines how the child perceives his/her surroundings and behaves accordingly.

Neuro Linguistic Learning (NLL) is the new area of study that deals with human communication and the way we think and do things in essence to our mental makeup, our emotions and our senses.

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a very useful tool for instilling positive behavior changes. It uses different areas of brain to create a change in a child. The core of NLP is modeling excellence of top performers as well as explaining how different people organize their thinking, feeling, language and behavior to produce the result they do.

Let me explain with an example.

Suppose you are a great fan of superstar, Salman Khan. Every movie of Salman Khan you will watch. You will observe him closely, studying his behavior, his style, his way of talking and dancing, his tone and the words used, his confidence, his body language. Then you ‘model’ the techniques you observed until they become the natural habit in your own life.

Thus the mind can be trained in the behavior we want to. It can be used for self-improvement too.

A two-day workshop on NLP is happening in Mumbai on 8-9 June 2013 and on 10-11 August at Marol Maroshi road, Andheri. Click here to register.

After the completion of this workshop you become aware of the language you use while communicating with yourself and with others.

You understand the difference in communication at the conscious and the unconscious level.

You develop the ability to perform at your best, to tap your true potential and become a powerful communicator.

You can have a better understanding of how you think, process information and help others to do the same.

You begin to understand why people do what they do and learn to respect them for what they are.

You learn to gain rapport easily with different types of people and are able to influence people for long-term changes in their life.

You learn to adopt some of new thought patterns, new thinking strategies, some of the new beliefs and which would undoubtedly be more effective in your work life.

Basically, Neuro Linguistic programming is the study and practice of techniques that use the mind-body connection and the language to alter human behavior.

You can expect to learn skills and thinking that will enhance the way you manage yourself as well as others, the way you communicate, influence, negotiate and manage change.

For more information on this subject, click here.

Watch your Etiquettes

It is difficult for parents of mentally challenged child to lead a normal life. Most of their life revolves around the activities of their child and it is a blessing if somebody offers help to baby-sit their child so that they can do some socializing.

But often it is seen that most of the people offer help out of sympathy. Many do not have proper etiquette when they are visiting a family of a mentally challenged child.

Some of them ignore the presence of such child. This makes the family very uncomfortable. The right approach would be to talk to the child, say hello or a smile to acknowledge his/her presence. The eye contact is very important which is the bridge to reach out to the child. But please don’t overdo it. The communication is just to convey that you accept his/her handicap and can understand his limitations.

Special children have no patience to wait for long at Doctor’s clinic. If you see the child having difficult time, don’t judge the parents. It is not their fault. Ask if you can help, but if you are asked to stay away, just smile encouragingly and leave.

Inappropriate behavior can manifest itself in different ways but don’t be surprised. A mentally challenged child has lower IQ and an autistic child may be playing oddly. He may grab food you are eating; he may be repeating meaningless phrases over and over again. You have to use your common sense, accept, smile and don’t be judgmental. The less self-conscious the child feels, the more likely the situation is to resolve itself. Parents know their child and they know how to react but if you interfere, you are likely to spoil the situation.

Autistic children and those with Down’s syndrome are bright, creative and thoughtful. Just accept them for who they are and love them no matter how they behave. Those who are non verbal and non-responsive also understand your moods and they will relax if they are comfortable.

If you really wish to understand these children, visit a special school in your area and spend an hour or two observing their behavior and you attitude is likely to change.

Special children are loving people and you will be surprised of the amount of happiness you are likely to bring back home with you after spending a wonderful day with them.

Pre-vocational Home Science Activity for MR Child

A mentally child has some limitation and if the training involves on concentrating on what he can do rather than what he cannot do, half the battle is won.

People always ask me what they can possibly teach a mentally challenged child?

Training is important; this has helped not only the child but also made the caretakers’ task easier.

The child has to be trained to be independent. He should be toilet trained and be able to take care of himself. For normal kids, many of the activities come easy, they learn by aping the adults. But for mentally challenged child, things are different. He/she has to be trained even to do simple task such as combing the hair, brushing teeth, and buttoning up his/her shirt. For girls, when they get their periods, they have to be trained to use the sanitary pad in proper way and learn to keep themselves clean.

It becomes easier if the child is admitted to the school at an early age. With the help of professionals, teachers and parents, the child shows great improvement.

Many parents don’t allow their children to help in the kitchen. They are afraid that child may hurt himself. But a simple task such as chopping and cleaning vegetables is not dangerous if they are allowed to work under supervision.

On my last visit to school, I decided to spend an afternoon with MR children in the pre-vocational unit. There was an activity of cutting vegetables. Each child has his own chopping board and a knife.

Before beginning an activity child is asked to wash his/her hands. The child is shown the correct way to hold a knife and shown how to cut. While the instructor supervises, the child chops carefully, keeps them aside and later packs it in the plastic bag.

Many women in the neighborhood send the vegetables to be chopped at school.

Once the students are confident, they begin to help their parents at home too.

Parents to Parents Interaction

Last week, SBP-Centre for Mentally Challenged had Diwali exhibition where things made by special students were put up for sale in the school premises. There was a good response and the profits were shared with children too. There was a separate section where parents made food stuff at home, things like PaniPuri, Idli Chutney, etc. and put up on sale and there were games corner too. 

This is a parent involvement during such celebrations that make such events so memorable. 

There is a very active parent-teacher association at school which helps keep the student cheerful. It is with cooperation of such parents that staff is able to bring better result with the child’s development in different areas of physical and psychological needs.

You may have hundred of helpers to help you cope with your mentally challenged child but the presence of parents play a very important role in the development of the child.

Four parents of the mentally challenged children of Swami BrahmanandPratishthan were asked to address the parents of students at Ankoor in Pune. They were asked to share their experience and discuss the ways to get the best results from their children with proper training and skills.

Dipti Mehta stressed on three main points.

1.    Acceptance. It is very important to accept the fact that your child is special and will not be able to cope with regular school curriculum. He needs help, a special care and customized training to help him cope with his limited ability.
2.    Search the proper institute that can help your child. It is important to discover what your child’s interest is and more attention should be given to develop that area. For example, Dipti’s son Devansh, loves to play tabla, a music-tutor helps him develop his skill and he get enjoyment and satisfaction in performing well. Academic may be taught, but only on basic level, more important it is to discover, which area is the interest of the child and the emphasis be given to develop those skills. Initially, one-to-one attention is given but as the child begins to have confidence in his skills, he can be involved in group activities.
3.    Make yourself happy first and build your own comfort zone. How can you give happiness to others if you are not happy yourself? Parents tend to forget their own needs and are so busy looking after their mentally challenged child that they have no time for themselves, this results in depression and unhappiness. It is very important for the parents to have some time set aside for their own activities, it could be a social activity like visiting friends and relatives, or leisure activities like drawing and painting.
 

Parents should be in regular touch with school staff to keep abreast with all the school activities and get the regular feedback on child’s performance at school.

DiptiBakshi, parent of our student, Jesal of primary section, spoke about the different activities that parents are involved during the academic year.

Parents are invited for every event at school. School has care-taker’s day, parents day, grand-parents day, sibling days, etc. during which they get to spend time together in the social activities. All festivals are also celebrated at school during which, children learn the importance of each festival and the other details related to each festival. End of every month, group birthdays are celebrated whereby parents and teachers co-ordinate to make their child’s birthday memorable, a different theme is selected each month and all the activities are focused around that theme, for example, Last year the theme was the colors of the rainbow, this year the theme is bouquet of flowers. Every month, there is a focus on the flower of the month. One flower is selected and all the activities like songs, games, handicraft items, surround around one selected flower of the month.

There are regular meeting held at school to co-ordinate the events, the parents get to share their experience, during discussions they realize that they are not the only ones facing difficulties at home. By sharing and caring, they are able to help their child more and have a positive attitude towards all the activities at school.

Another parent, Vijaya Jhewade, mother to Apeksha, spoke about her own personal experience and how there has been a change in her personality since her interaction with other parents of the students.

Vijaya Jhewade was a shy woman, who never interacted with anybody. She was invited by school staff to take part in the parents’ group dance, which they were to perform during the annual school function. Taking part in the group dance forced her to interact with other parents while rehearsing, coordinating and discussing the dance steps, slowly and gradually, she shed off her her cloak of shyness and became friendly. Her dance was appreciated and this gave her a satisfaction of performing well, restoring her confidence and she discovered her new talent. With interaction with other parents, she realized that she needs to make time for herself too, hence went on to pursue her career and is now a qualified nurse.

“One dance performance has changed my life” she said.

Another parent Mr. Dashrath Parag spoke about all the privileges that special child can enjoy legally.

 He spoke about the legal aspect of special child’s rights at the National level, informing the parents about all the facilities available for the special children and how one can go about achieving it.  There is a Parivar Sayadri at all India level that the parents can join. A minimum of 5 parents is required to form a group, become the member of the SayadariParivar to get the regular support at National level.

The meeting was a great success and the parents came back in chirpy mood, happy that they were able to share their knowledge and help other parents in a similar situation.

Disabled persons are not freaks

When a differently-able child comes into this world, parents go through traumatic experience. There are lots of blame games played by close family members and friends, most of the time, mother is blamed for conceiving not-so-normal child. Because of such pressures from society, guilt sets in and mother goes through bouts of depression. She may be forced to give up her social life, personal commitments, her job and other activities to give full time attention to her child.

Lucky are those who get family support and help her pass through the first hurdle of shock and put her on route to acceptance, to help her to accept her child as he is and to think about how best to adjust to such disability, and move on.

Because disabled children are not freaks to be pitied, accommodated or ignored while planning a difficult task, they are also humans who are simply differently able

Some parents are too clingy and protective to their child. They won’t allow their child to grow and be independent. When Harpeet Kaur was admitted to our school SBP-School for Mentally challenged, her mother carried this 11-year-old child to school and we believed that she could not walk. But after month, I was surprised to see her strolling in the school compound. She had overcome her fear of falling and was inspired to follow her class mates.

The differently able person can do wonderful things if given an opportunity. All they need is understanding and compassion, we just need to stand close enough to offer help but far enough to allow the child to spread its wings.

At only five years old, Shayaan Qureshi has come up the perfect response to the many people who stare at him - a big, toothy smile.

"I just look straight at people and smile," said the little Bahraini resident, who was born without arms. "I tell them I don't have hands but I can do everything."

Shayaan has dysmelia, a rare,congenital upper-limb disorder. His family was recently in Dubai to meet a support group for people with special needs and their relatives.

 I had met Malini at Oxford Book Stall few years ago when I had attended Caferati Read-meet. She communicated with me through typing in her machine and I was amused by her sense of humor. I admired the way she has conquered Cerebral Palsy and is the crusader for rights of disabled persons.  She has been awarded the national Award as a role model by the Ministry of Social Justice.

Did I have my own personality? Was I just another disabled girl who needed things done for her? I knew that I was different and trapped in a dysfunctional body, but did others realize I had a spirit and a mind separate from this body? My body did not work like others, but did they realize that my mind was normal? Did they consider thinking that my desires were just the same as theirs? Writes Mailni in her book titled ‘One Little finger’

Live life to the fullest” says Malini Chib, author of “One little Finger’. 

And how can we ignore Stefen Hawkins?

U.S. President Barack Obama talks with Stephen Hawking in the Blue Room of the White House before a ceremony presenting him and fifteen others the Presidential Medal of Freedom on 12 August2009. The Medal of Freedom is the nation's highest civilian honour.

Neither can we ever forget our famous singer Steve Wonders who sang “I just called to say I love you, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart…”

Wonder is presented the Gershwin Award for Lifetime Achievement by United States president Barack Obama

Once the differently abled people who are gifted with special talent are integrated into the mainstream, they are able to compete in the society and show their worth. It’s just the question of acceptance and will power.